Members of a Church

Having attended Baptist churches since I was born, I have noticed there are a few characters in church. If you are visiting a Baptist church, or curious about one, here are a few pointers – oops, I mean, people – that you can look out for!

The owl: This is usually a male. His usual spot in the church is at the front seat, or, as close as he can get to the preaching – so near, he can feel the spit coming for the pastor. If there is the slightest noise, or distraction, he will turn his head to look at the source. It doesn’t matter if you are sitting a few rows behind him. His ultrasonic ears can pick up the slightest disturbance in the sound waves; his eyes can pinpoint the exact location; and, his head can spin 180 degrees to look at you. Never attempt to sit next to one, unless you want The Owl to peck at you.

The curious cat: Usually a lady. If you want any information from her regarding anything under church matters, she is your to-go gal! However, be warned, the method she gets her information from, is by asking other people. Therefore, be careful when she stealthily sneaks up to you (very much like a cat sneaking up on a mouse) and begins asking you what seems like very, harmless questions – or, sometimes, an outright “inquisition. The Curious Cat is a walking Wikipedia.

The smiley face: This is the person who always has this smile super glued onto their face. You will have a sneaking suspicion whenever you see the person. “What make the smile stay there? Should I call for some medical attention?” Sometimes, you might feel like telling the person, “I just got told that I only have one year to live!” and see what their reaction would be. Although, try not to be disappointed when they just continue to smile at you!  🙂

The von Trapp family: This is almost like a militarily run family. In this family, they might have five kids all more. They are never late for church, even if they live an hour’s journey away. And you will always wonder, “How on earth do they do that?! Do they have a magic flying carpet or something?” Their kids come in looking freshly scrubbed and clean – sometimes. Each member of the family if probably involved in some kind of ministry. If each kid were to get married, produce another von Trapp family, and continued to attend the same church, you can be sure that they will soon overpopulate the entire church.

Santa Claus: This person has an endless supply of gifts. You will have a sneaking suspicion that this person is actually Santa Claus in disguise, what with the amount of gifts they hand out each year. You will live in constant fear of anticipating having to hear the news that they have gone bankrupt. But, rest assured, it will never happen, I think.

Mr. Lame: Usually a guy and unmarried. Cracks all sorts of lame jokes, and think he is quite funny. After just half an hour with the person, you will start to know why he is not married. Nothing else needed to be said here!

Okay, I know this is a satire. But, to tell the truth, even though I can get quite irritated with some people in church, church will not be church without them. Each of us has a part to play, as it says in 1 Corinthians 12. Here is a snippet:

1 Cor 12:18-20 “But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.19) And if they were all one member, where were the body? 20) But now are they many members, yet but one body.

Imagine how boring church would be, without the variety of characters. We would all be like clones, and the church would live a humdrum live. Take time to get to know the different members in a church. You never know how God can use them to bless you, or/and vice-versa!

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